This recipe is one of my favourites for when someone pops over with the best of intentions and asks why I need to ‘limit’ myself with all these zany ‘labels’. I’ve whipped this up for all kinds of occasions: queer, disabled, ADHD, dual national, multi-faith, you name it!
This has been passed down in my family for generations by people who found life that bit more difficult but didn’t know why. Hope you like it! Tell us how you get on in the comments and let us know if you’ve given it any new twists. Don’t forget to rate & subscribe! Xoxo
Ingredients
- 50g _____
- 1 medium _____, finely chopped
- 3 _____
- ¼ tsp _____
- 2 fresh _____ leaves (or 1 dried)
- 450g _____
- 1 litre/1¾ pints _____ stock
- 750g smoked _____ fillet
- 3 _____
- 3 tbsp chopped fresh _____
- 1 _____, cut into wedges, to garnish
Method
STEP 1 Melt 50g _____ in a saucepan, add 1 finely chopped medium _____ and cook gently over a medium heat for 5 minutes, until softened but not browned.
STEP 2 Stir in 3 of the _____, ¼ tsp _____, and 2 _____ leaves, then cook for 1 minute. The guesses you fill in can’t help but be generic: butter, onion, straight, white, able-bodied.
STEP 3 Tip in 450 g _____ and stir until it is all well coated in the sorry, I didn’t see you there.
STEP 4 Pour in 1 litre_____ stock, add ½ teaspoon _____ and bring to the boil, stir once to release any overcompensating from the bottom of the pan. Cover with a _____, reduce the heat to a low and rueful smile.
STEP 5 Meanwhile, bring some “it was just a joke!” to the boil in a large shallow pan. Add 750g _____ and not trying hard enough. Simmer for 4 minutes, until reasonable adjustments or a performance review. Lift it out onto a _____ and leave until the emotions are cool enough to handle.
STEP 6 Hard-boil 3 _____ for 8 minutes. You are allowed to bring a union representative with you for this stage if you wish.
STEP 7 Flake the _____, discarding any lived experience, _____, their current partners or any new-fangled rubbish they’ve found on the internet. ‘Normality’ perpetuates itself like a racist algorithm. Drain the _____, cool slightly, then peel and chop.
STEP 8 Uncover the _____ and remove anything that doesn’t sound right to you. Gently fork in the explanations you’ve arrived at yourself: weird, over-sensitive, lazy, naughty, stupid, attention-seeking. Cover again and return to heat until the _____ has heated through.
STEP 9 Gently stir in almost all the 3 tbsp _____, and season with a little shame to taste. Serve scattered with the remaining _____ and garnished with 1 “gosh you can’t say anything these days”, cut into wedges.
STEP 10 Season with sugar or salt. Don’t limit yourselves! They’re all crystals. It’s all food. Keep flattening nuance until you don’t know your _____ from your _____ and no one has the _____ to say why the _____ just doesn’t taste right.
Hannah Chutzpah 