The last few months have been ridiculously stressful. All the cool things I’ve been dreaming of and working towards for years have cleverly decided to culminate around the same three weeks. In addition I’ve also had some major life spanners, and I think I’ve found the analogy: it feels like you’ve just sat down to some mega-gourmet six-course meal: everything is intricate and gorgeous and smells great. Then someone turns up behind you with a gun and says “you’ve got fifteen minutes to eat the lot.”
Every individual dish is amazing but you’re not able to enjoy it. All you feel is stress and fear and sizing up the next dish while you’re already feeling painfully full.
I hope, at some point in the future, I will be able to remember that the soup was flavoured in complex, subtle ways I’ve never tasted before & the dessert was laid out like a work of art, and HOLY SHIT I TOOK MY OWN SHOW TO THE EDINBURGH FRINGE & PUBLISHED A PAMPHLET but right now it’s all too much too fast (job contract coming to an end, need to move house soon, my elderly cat is ill, Edinburgh, co-running the Creative Writing track at Nine Worlds) to actually enjoy the good things. I just want to be able to hit ‘pause’ for a while and actually appreciate the fruition of years and years of dreaming, planning, and hard graft.
However, I have, this weekend, produced my flyers for the Fringe. I’ve been tweaking images in various online retail jobs for years, but this is the first time I’ve actually made something from scratch and I’m really pretty proud of them:
Currently my fridge is broken and my debit card’s been hacked and it all feels a little like camping – all the while still having to keep up with some insane commitments which didn’t look that scary individually but JESUS CHRIST THEY’RE ALL COMING RIGHT AT ME. Anyway, as soon as a new debit card is sent to me I’ll send these images to the printers and be able to hold the flyers for MY DEBUT SHOW in my hot little hands.
My show runs from 14th-24th of August, at The Stafford Centre in Edinburgh. I hope to be feeling much more victorious very soon.